Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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