I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
