you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
