first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
