the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Houston, we have a blender
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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