Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
