i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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