I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
