I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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