im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
