once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
