i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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