The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
