we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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