I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
