my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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