Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
