it's like iHOP with fire
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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