hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
