he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
