is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
