I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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