Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
