saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
