Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
one might say we're banned from that church
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
