Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Too much gin, very little bucket
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
