I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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