no, he came in my armpit
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize