carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
