i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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