it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
