Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
