Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
