im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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