She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
