she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize