Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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