I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Your penis caused this!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
