Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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