I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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