it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just gargled with NyQuil
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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