I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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