I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
