I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
