im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
