I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize