bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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