I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
