You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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