she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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