Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
FUCK WHALES
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize