i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
