You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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