I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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