Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
