So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
