drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
