I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
one two three fourrrrnication!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
