Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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