Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
