1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize