He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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