my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
