Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
