explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
