we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
