theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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