Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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