Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
