I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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