That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
