giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
