Umm I'm too high to move.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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