I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
