I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
