I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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