I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
