using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
