How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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