He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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