I am spending my child support on dildos
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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